Fantasy Lawyer

Published April 28, 2019 · Updated July 6, 2022

Hi Shat Hosts, it’s Ken L

Once again, thank you guys for including my email on the podcast last week

I might take a week off on analysis this week, but for now I just want to say that I’m MAJORLY impressed that you guys guessed my profession – I am, indeed, a lawyer.

After your last Small Council episode I think I’m going to finally follow my dreams and specialize in Fantasy Law. I know you guys are looking for sponsors, so why not start with Listwak & Listwak – Fantasy Lawyers.

Here are a few short jingles you could read on the podcast:

* Did Wights seige your fort? We’ll take ’em to court. Send a raven to Listwak & Listwak Fantasy Lawyers! * The Night King’s a ruckus – we’ll bring him to justice. Call Listwak & Listwak Fantasy Lawyers! * Bad Red Priestess readings? We’ll file a few pleadings. Call Listwak & Listwak Fantasy Lawyers! * Did Sansa Stark outwit you? We’ll make her acquit you. Don’t end up like Littlefinger – call Listwak & Listwak Fantasy Lawyers! * Royal Family dysfunction? We’ll file an injunction. Protect your throne with Listwak & Listwak Fantasy Lawyers! * Throw a child from a tower? You need real legal power. Learn the things we’ll do for a not guilty verdict at Listwak & Listwak Fantasy Lawyers! * The Queen blew up your Sept? She’ll pay her debts. Discover the Justice of the Seven by hiring Listwak & Listwak Fantasy Lawyers!

Valyrian Steel tongued attorney Ser Kenneth Listwak charges 1 Gold Dragon per hour, but to keep him on retainer you’ll need a minimum of one satchel with an indeterminate amount of coins, ideally tossed on his desk accompanied by the phrase “This should be sufficient.” Ser. Kenneth reserves the right to cut said satchel open with a dagger to see if enough coins come cascading out. Past verdicts are not guarantees of future results – especially in cases involving prophecy.

Cheers to a very profitable partnership,

Ken L.

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