Rewrite

Published June 13, 2019 · Updated July 6, 2022

First time, long time blahblahblahblahlbeccchhhh

Penultimate episode:

Jaime is rowing along to meet his bitch when – holy shit – he see’s her sidepiece swimming toward THE EXACT SAME SPOT THAT HE WAS GOING TO.

How does he see him? The same way Danarys shoulda seen the damn Iron Fleet.

With his head about 6″ over the surface of the water, Urine (Capt., IIN (ret.)) can see roughly 200 feet away. Kingslayer, meanwhile, with his head about 4,000 feet. Also, he’s in a damn boat heading toward the exact same cove. Because Khaleesi immolated Varys, his mer-meh ass can’t give Urine a boost and because Urine isn’t Michael Motherfuckin Phelps, Jaime sees him about a half hour before he rows up to him and the following exchange occurs:

Jaime: Need a hand?

Urine: [Leers]

Jaime: [Extends Golden Hand]

Urine: [Leers and grabs Golden Hand]

Golden Hand: [Dips.]

Urine: [Still leering.] Well played, Kingslayer. But I fucked your sister!

Jaime: But I’ll fuck her last! [Pulls a Gendry]

Fin.

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