The Emotional Pain of Brienne of Tarth

Published May 10, 2019 · Updated July 6, 2022

This is an Um Actually for Big D.

“She is tough, that exterior is still there. He leaves and then she kind of sits down and you see her, to herself break.”

Big D, I believe that Brienne crying was entirely appropriate and let me tell you why.

The last time we saw Brienne cry, full on cry (I’m not talking about her tearing up when she was knighted, I’m talking the true, painful sobbing) was when Renly died at the hands of his older brother. Renly showed kindness and tenderness towards her at the ball when she was young, no one would dance with her because she looked like a man and was too tall. But Renly, royalty, the King’s younger brother, danced with her. When Jaime and Brienne were captured by the Bolton forces, Jaime prevented Brienne from being raped. In both of these moments, a man stood up for her when she couldn’t herself. She was powerless, vulnerable and being taken down emotionally. But two royal men stepped in, when they very much could have completely ignored her, and that simple act left a profound impact for her and her guarded, armored heart opened up and let the essence of each man take a place.

Brienne has cried a total of two times, both for each of the men she cared about. No, she did not love Renly but she served him because of what he did for her. Yes, she did love Jaime and vouched for him in front of the Stark family.

Big D, I also want you to take a look at how men and women are different. Men are logical, women are emotional. The yin and yang of a relationship. When it comes to love, this is an extremely vulnerable place for women. I don’t think Brienne purposely fell in love with Jaime, it happened over time. She knew he was a piece of shit and reminded him of that even when Jaime lost his hand, his ultimate playing card. But when he vouched for her (just as she vouched for him) and he told her what happened with the Mad King, she came to see another part of Jaime that was always hidden behind incest and the Lannister name. Feelings that grow over time are deeply rooted and came naturally, and those kinds of feelings are very difficult to hide. Brienne fell into the role of the only other woman who has seen Jaime, truly seen him and watched him grow.

Her crying was entirely accurate because Big D she wasn’t just crying because he was leaving. There is so much more to this scene than I think you saw. The crying she expressed, I think can only be understood by women who have been in her spot. It is very painful to love a man, vouch for him and hope he will change. When she sees for herself he doesn’t change, this crushes her and that’s why she was crying. So much was happening for her at that moment and her way of communicating it was crying, but to hear the words that aren’t being spoken, you step into her shoes. She gave her body, her hope, her standing by him, everything. And his way of his expressing his love for her is by leaving her and saving her life.

Love is everything in life wrapped up into one word, it is joy, excitement, risk, and it reveals the hidden gems or coal of someone. Through love, we come to know ourselves more deeply and the other person.

I am sorry my two voicemails go a bit off track at the end, I got really passionate about explaining this scene because it is so emotional. I hope this helps explain why she cried and that it is accurate for her and her hardened character. Love is deep, raw, profound, vulnerable. It is scary, enthralling. And to know Brienne still feels that, is true bravery to me. One of the most beautiful things to see in someone is how kind and true they are, to still be brave enough to love someone, even after the shit they have experienced. To experience the joy in life when you have been hurt is a risk in and of itself. Brienne is brave in battle and in her own emotional journey. We saw that here and we don’t see that with every character. It is a gift and it is life.

Best of wishes to you and the podcast,

Kara (care-a) from Utah

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