Beowulf (1999)

Remember when we covered “Mortal Kombat: Annihilation” and wondered why Christopher Lambert had be replaced as Raiden? This week, we got our answer: Shat The Movies’ favorite Frenchman was busy filming “Beowulf.”

On paper, this 1999 sci-fi adaptation of the Old English epic poem sounds like a disaster. In fact, movie commissioner Emmet in Orange had never even seen “Beowulf” when he requested a review.

Filmed on a $3 million budget, this Mortal Kombat-style action-adventure is loaded with anachronistic dialogue, comically odd weapons, overcomplicated gadgets, incredible cleavage and combat that mostly consists of doing flips.

This movie’s plot armor makes “Game of Thrones” Season 8 seem reasonable. The soundtrack and bring-your-own-costume style feel like we’ve slipped into a 1990s Romanian rave, and watching poor Rhona Mitra seduce Christopher Lambert hurt our souls.

In this episode, we discuss the monster who could have been beaten by Kevin McCallister, the succubus who stepped right off the set of a Whitesnake video and how Big D gained 24 pounds in just four days of hanging out with Gene.








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