We Need Grey Hats: Narrative, Therapy, And Investment

Published April 22, 2020 · Updated July 6, 2022

Hi all, long time listener, first time emailer. Funny thing — I somehow managed to neither send nor save what I thought I sent last week. Love what you do, and thank you so much for bringing out the delicious flavors of this yummy parfait of a show.

Going to try to keep this brief-ish.

“What humans define as sane is a narrow range of behaviors.” This line from Bernard to Dolores in the Forge in ep. 210 got a cheer from me, and a bit of side-eye from my now ex-boyfriend. Humans are …. a lot. We’re capable of awesome stuff, and terrible stuff, and every possible thing in between. Societies throughout time have made ever-narrower proscriptions on what’s acceptable, and as a lady who likes to be able to walk unchaperoned I’d argue that that progress is pretty fucking great. What’s not great? Telling folks with “unacceptable” tendencies to just get rid of those tendencies, rather than giving them tools to channel those impulses in healthier ways. That’s just now not how people work, because that’s not how human brains work. For example, I grew up in a household that had been blasted by a fair amount of Very Bad Stuff (domestic violence, poverty, divorce & condemnation by the Catholic Church for it). The super-common narrative I’d been assigned by circumstance was pretty damning, and in Rehobo’s world I’d have likely been shipped off to war to die. It’s easier to just throw a thing in the trash than try to fix it, or as Dolores says, to not “invest in someone.” As an adult, I’ve spent a fair amount of resources trying to rewrite that internalized narrative. I’m not a Black Hat, or a White Hat. No one is, not really. I’m a Grey Hat; some days it’s charcoal grey, sometimes dove grey, and other times the shade of a cloud that’s just light enough to trick you into thinking you can go out without an umbrella. It’s the possibility of both good and bad, each tainted by the other.

That very human tendency towards narrative — our need to make an arc or our lives that makes sense — is very sad, yet very understandable. It’s sad because the universe we actually live in is just randomness, as William/MIB points out in the first season. It’s why he keeps coming to the park — because things have a meaning there. It’s understandable because we tell ourselves stories to live: to pass the time, to learn, to teach, to understand, and to frame.

Anyway, running out of time before the deadline, so I’ll leave it there. Again, love the show, and as a Lady with Opinions, have found the addition of Ashley to the conversation a hell of a boost!

Lots of love,
Bicamerelle in Pittsburgh

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